babies were throwing up all over the place
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
