listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
