Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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