Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
