you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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