I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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