I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
