Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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