I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
