he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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