Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize