Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
