She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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