Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize