Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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