i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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