You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
