i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
