all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
