my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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