I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
