I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
