I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
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