just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
