Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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