she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
