He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
