So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
