you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
