dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
