literally had 100 drinks last night.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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