How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
