I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
