Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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