You're so nebulous sometimes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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