I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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