Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
