All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
