I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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