I want to stick my p in your. b.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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