he thought i was a dude.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize