You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
