You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
