So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
two words...techno handjob
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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