He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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