This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
