Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
