I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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