We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
