I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
