i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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