I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
