We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it hurts more in the daytime
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
