Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
