Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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