yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
