She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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