She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
