I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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