you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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