Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
