why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize