What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
