Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i think i have two assholes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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