She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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