I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
