Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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