There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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