I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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