don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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