You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
